


Worthless

by Faeren



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Potentially triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 08:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faeren/pseuds/Faeren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji has a panic attack and only Kaworu can calm him down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worthless

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a fic, I hope I do the characters justice.

"Shinji, are you ok?"

 _No. No. No. No._ He has never been ok and he never will be. He holds his head in his hands, shaking. _I'm worthless. I'm nothing. I can't do anything right._ His vision blurs, turning grey at the sides. _I'm going to die and I don't care. I can't breathe and I don't care. No one wants me and I won't be missed._ His breath shortens and his vision fades further. He is shaking even harder. He sits in the fetal position, silently sobbing. _This is the end. This is the end. This is the end._

A hand grabs his shoulder. "Shinji, please look at me."

 _That voice. Nagisa._ "Please." _Leave me. I don't want you to see me like this please go I don't want to burden you any more_

Kaworu's arms sliding through his, gently prying apart his frozen joints.

"Listen to me, Shinji."

_I'm worthless I'm worthless I'm worthless_

"I want to know what's wrong."

Shinji's eyes open, still unseeing. His mouth opens, taking in huge gulps of air.

"I'm going to die, Kaworu," he manages through his sobs, still shaking.

"You're safe here." Kaworu's arms tighten, hugging the panicked boy through his misery. "You are not going to die, I promise you."

"I'm worthless," Shinji whispers, tears streaming down his face. "I don't deserve to live and I don't want to burden people. I'm a horrible person. I hate myself and I hate my father and I - I can't breathe-" He has to stop, trying in vain to get a deep breath. It's impossible in this state. His heart is beating too rapidly for him to hear Kaworu's response. His vision remains cloudy, his head feels like it's in some distant place. He can only just notice the gentle brush of Kaworu's lips on his forehead.

"You matter to me," He can hear the silver-haired boy's voice permeate through his hollow conciseness.

"I love you," His breathing slows, his posture relaxes.

"I don't want to lose you." He can see again, his heart has calmed. Kaworu's face. His hair gently framing his pale face. His eyes, worried.

Shinji wraps his arms around Kaworu. His fingers grasp Kaworu's shirt as tightly as possible, wrinkling it with his shaking fingers. He presses his head into the other boy's shoulder, quietly crying.

Kaworu gently strokes Shinji's hair, silently lifting his chin. His eyes meet Shinji's.

"I love you so, so much," He whispers, slowly pressing his lips to the other boy's.

Shinji holds Kaworu closer. He is no longer shaking. His fingers move to Kaworu's neck.

"Thank you," He manages.

Kaworu smiles and hugs him closer.

Shinji closes his eyes and leans forward into Kaworu.

"Thank you," he repeats.


End file.
